Thinking

Should I stay or should I go?

To leave would be to lose the love but to  stay would be to allow the pain to stay.

I wish this would all just go away, I wish that this topic never left his lips, I wish that some how this would all just magically fix itself without hurting me.

To fall asleep forever right now would be encouraging, to leave things the way they are right this instint would be the most amazing act in the world.

To fall asleep and never wake, so that I could feel as happy as this near future makes me feel.

To fall asleep and never wake, to keep that not-so-near future far from my mind, my soul, my heart.

I just wish it would all just float away, no more pain, no more suffering, letting the world leave me with this feeling of bliss, untouched for all time.

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To Do in 2008

• Start setting more reminders on my phone, so I can remember everything and in turn I will become better at remembering the things that I must do daily or weekly.

• Try take time as much time as possible but no less than five to ten minutes each day to reflect and think about what you want to do, have to do, or have done that day. Figure out if you can improve on something, maybe act a little nice or say something a different way. Just make sure you think about what you are doing.

• Make your bed everyday before you leave the house. No one wants to see a messing room when they come home and having a nice made bed will be one less stress for when you come home.

• Start using your laptop for school. It is a great tool to have and it should be used to it’s fullest potential.

• Remember to look people in the eyes when they are talking to you, it shows power and it shows that you are unafraid. Do not cower away from the world, you have just as much right to be here and learn here as anyone else.

• Keep your desk organized. Go through once every couple of days and make sure that everything is in its place and all of the trash or unorganized papers are necessary and will be used. If not THROW IT AWAY!

• Every night before you go to bed, go through the house and make sure everything is picked up. All of the food any kind of papers are organized and then make sure all of the doors in the house are locked.

• At least once a week talk with mom. It can be any topic except school. That is all that has been talked about for the last two months and you need to get back on a more personal level with her. You are mother and daughter.

• DO YOUR HOMEWORK when you get it. Do NOT wait homework days are Tuesday and Thursday. Other than work and the special occasions when Jeff comes down you have absolutely nothing to do so do your homework. Its as easy as pie.

• This week try to get as many supplies and books as possible, it might not be much but you need to start working on homework ASAP.

• Start working out again. Go to either the gym or bike or skate around the neighborhood, anything to get active again. You are turning into a piece of lard (even though you are losing weight). This will keep your body and mind healthy because you always walk away from a workout refreshed.

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Today

Today is an interesting day. I get to think about nothing. And while thinking about nothing, I will allow myself to just float in the never-ending abyss of nothingness.

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